Not on edge, more guarded, though. Suspicious? Overthinking things. Things like that tend to happen when all you've got to consult with in the dead of night is your creepy 100% Galran-made knife. It's been established, firmly, that he does in fact have unique blood running through his veins. So unique, it spurs hatred and uncertainty -- the latter of his own making. It'd been a long time coming -- his personal life being shrouded in mystery (more or less) helped to cushion the blow, but he's been rendered full of doubt. For the most part. Subtly (but that's what suicide missions are for).
This quandary has absolutely prompted Shiro to invite him to his quarters. If it were anything else, they'd have met by coincidence in the training area, nonchalantly in the dining hall. Though his origin makes for awkward conversation (and maybe that's why it's best to keep these things behind closed doors -- or maybe that's actually what's accentuating the problem?!), he's making his way toward Shiro's room without protest. Shiro would end up paying him a visit, if it came to that. Moreover, he's not one to squander these opportunities.]
It's me, I'm here.
[He announces to his door on arrival, sounding purposely (forcefully?) indifferent.]
[ keith has been quiet, guarded after what they've learned at the blade or mormora's base. shiro wants to reach out to him, but he's not entirely sure it would be welcome, that keith wouldn't consider it pity or anything of the like and refuse the attention and affection on those grounds, a bristling cat unwilling to accept that shiro loves him for who he is, no matter what blood runs in his veins.
at least keith has agreed to come to his quarters, and shiro is sitting on the bed, hands folded in his lap, when keith announces his presence. ]
Come in.
[ maybe the bed is not the best place for this, but there isn't much else in his quarters than that, and shiro wanted, wants the privacy of it, of a door between them and everyone else. barring the alarms sounding, they shouldn't be disturbed. he untangles his fingers, patting the bed next to him in a silent request for keith to sit.
once he does, shiro will start, a little hesitantly but his tone firm: ] I wanted to apologise.
[Keith can't remember the last time he's felt uncomfortable in Shiro's presence. There's no exception here in the present. Whatever weirdness he's exuding is of his own doing, probably. Being Galran could be worse -- he could be directly related to Zarkon, for example. A race can't be inherently good or bad based on a few variables. These are things he really should be considering, rather than distancing himself and trying to think of ways to prove he's not 'like them'.
At least he isn't in denial, though. The theatrics would be nauseating.
He steps in, finally, only a moment after that invite. He quietly regards Shiro in place of a 'hey', moves closer when beckoned. Sits -- and there's a distinct gap between them. Not intentional.]
Apologize?
[What did you do now. He's immediately concerned, not at all thinking this has anything to do with his bloodline. Hopefully Shiro hadn't set up a weird blood pact with Zarkon or is otherwise playing host to some sort of martyr game. It isn't like him to panic over absolutely nothing -- and he's not, but his brows are sloping forward as he internally suspects several worst-possible-outcomes, all of which having to do with Shiro accommodating a bogus plot.
It isn't every day he's summoned to the paladin's bedroom to have a private meeting. Starting off with remorse paints a scary picture.]
[ there's a gap between them, and shiro doesn't know if it's intentional or not, but it still makes something in his chest tighten uncomfortably. ]
Yeah. [ and he hears the growing apprehension in keith's tone, so he continues quickly, though the words don't necessarily come easily. still, shiro won't let himself shy down from this. he's been thinking about it almost since the reveal, so many puzzle pieces suddenly falling into place, explaining much of keith's behavior that he'd been wondering about. ]
I'm sorry you had to carry this alone for so long. You've been suspecting it, right?
[ it only makes sense, and shiro wishes keith could have confided him in. not so that he would have known, though the information would have been good to have, but for keith's sake primarily. ] I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk about it, I guess.
[He probably should have anticipated this, formed a quick rebuttal, have a quick, reassuring summary prepared -- water under the bridge. His suspicions were confirmed in the end, and no amount of publicly ruminating would have cushioned he news. In fact, discussing it in a group setting would have been frustrating. It's not like the others to follow his sometimes-far-fetched theories.
He was satisfied enough that no one thought to question him in fleeing with Allura under the suspicion that Zarkon might be tracking him based on one little skirmish.]
I guess, but I didn't feel like talking about it.
[Going it alone has been something of a usually-successful theme in his life -- up until the whole FORM VOLTRON thing. It's not a problem.]
It's not like that.
[On the other hand, maybe he inadvertently made Shiro feel shitty, all things considered? Working as a group, teamplaying. He's accommodating as neccessary, but not even Lance openly gripes about missing his family. Pidge, still adamant about her own, isn't half as vocal about it compared to their journey's start.
There are bigger things at stake here than wallowing in a past of uncertainty. Some things are best kept under wraps.]
I just...didn't feel like it.
[Doubly because he's PART ENEMY, yeah, but they've pushed past that. His rebuttal is a nightmare, anyway.]
That's okay. [ shiro says almost immediately. this isn't meant to be a reproach that keith didn't tell him; he's genuinely sorry if he somehow gave keith the impression that he'd think less of him for what he is, for the blood that runs through his veins. the happenstance of his birth and the composition of his genes are not keith's fault, nor do they determine who he is, if you ask shiro. ]
I just hope that if you ever do feel like it, you know I'm here.
[Is it though? He could've possibly foreseen this, but there's no good way of bringing up the probability of being any percent Galran to someone who'd been tortured by those very people. Even if Shiro wouldn't hold it against him. There's something off about it.
Even if they'd encountered some Galran allies, and Shiro didn't outwardly hate a single one.]
Yeah, I know.
[With a halfhearted grin. Not forced nor feigned -- he just kind of feels like an asshole for making Shiro feel like an asshole. Or unapproachable. For keeping him out of the loop while, at the same time, doing everything in his power to invade Shiro's personal bubble (lbr). He extends a hand for further reassurance, settling it over the back of the elder paladin's.]
What we're doing now's a lot more important than wherever I came from. It took me a while to figure that out.
[ it is okay. at least it is if keith really does know that shiro wouldn't have pushed him away or judged him for something as arbitrary as the blood in his veins. that's not something keith has chosen, but his actions every day since shiro's met him, those are his choices and they make him into the man shiro knows. as long as keith knows that, shiro thinks it's okay.
after a moment's hesitation, he turns his hand underneath keith's, curling his fingers loosely around his. ]
Where you've come from matters to you. It doesn't have to stop mattering, you know.
[Doing things in his own way, on his own terms; it's something he's always done, even amid these tender moments with Shiro -- the whole team, really. It's a work in progress. Slowly but surely, one day he'll have it all figured out.
And still, with him, it's all or nothing. It's easy for him to obsess over something he can't control; obsess over the idea, possible outcomes, maybe a solution. Just setting all of it aside and focusing on the present, he thought that'd be the best, most viable option. His past should open up, it slowly has through their journey. Putting it all aside for now, until it bears some relevancy again...
It made perfect sense.]
It's still important, it's just -- not right now.
[The lattermost of that said in a quieter tone, without any real conviction. His hand sits idle in Shiro's, thoroughly distracted.]
[ there's nothing wrong as such with doing things on your own terms, but in a team, sometimes compromise is required. sometimes, they can achieve a lot more together than apart. this isn't about teamwork, though, and it's only incidentally about keith's tendency toward loner-hood. so long as he trusts shiro despite those tendencies, so long as he doesn't harbour some notion that shiro might be prejudiced about him now or care less than he did before, shiro doesn't mind. ]
When did you get so mature?
[ the question is the gentlest of jokes, of teases. ]
[Nothing's changed, especially not with Shiro. He's managed to make a small problem much biggeer in his head. Allura might have had her qualms, and while that was a little unfair, he gets it. Of anyone, Shiro's the last person he has to worry about.
Which is entirely asinine; if anyone, Shiro would be most fearful, if not somewhere around Allura's level of uncertain -- for all he's been through and nothing else. Keith hasn't felt any different since officially being inducted as a Galran hybrid. Occasionally, he still worries that he might change, might develop weird tendencies..but as long as he's attentive and actively concerned, that sort of thing can't just sneak up on him or anyone else.
There's a sigh in response to that comment; it'd be a compliment if he were five, probably. He's smiling ever-so-slightly, though, if not belatedly.]
I'm being serious. [Without trying to reel him in or put a second layer of awkwardness on the mood.] If it matters so much, I'll figure it out. There's plenty of time.
[For something he was prepared to die over, he's being pretty meh now. It took as much to get him here.]
[ galra have done terrible things to shiro. even if he doesn't remember most of them, he remembers enough to know that much — but keith would never do anything like that, not to him and not to anyone else. of course he isn't afraid of keith. he knows keith. ]
So am I. [ keith has always been hot-headed, temperamental. this level of introspection and wisdom isn't something shiro's entirely used to seeing in him. still: it's a good change, something he doesn't mind seeing. part of him might wish that keith didn't have to deal with these things, but he also sees keith's potential, how good a leader he could be some day, how smart he is. ]
[It's a sign of the times, maybe. Jumping headfirst into everything is still a skill he possesses but, certain things require a bit more..than...that. He's learning, at any rate just barely.]
...Anyway, [He finds himself looking off to the side; he hadn't been maintaining eye contact very well in the first place.] it's not your fault.
[Just to reel it back in to the original point -- something that's also a nonfactor. He's firm in not really holding anyone accountable for their reaction to his Galran ties. Shiro least of all.
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no subject
Not on edge, more guarded, though. Suspicious? Overthinking things. Things like that tend to happen when all you've got to consult with in the dead of night is your creepy 100% Galran-made knife. It's been established, firmly, that he does in fact have unique blood running through his veins. So unique, it spurs hatred and uncertainty -- the latter of his own making. It'd been a long time coming -- his personal life being shrouded in mystery (more or less) helped to cushion the blow, but he's been rendered full of doubt. For the most part. Subtly (but that's what suicide missions are for).
This quandary has absolutely prompted Shiro to invite him to his quarters. If it were anything else, they'd have met by coincidence in the training area, nonchalantly in the dining hall. Though his origin makes for awkward conversation (and maybe that's why it's best to keep these things behind closed doors -- or maybe that's actually what's accentuating the problem?!), he's making his way toward Shiro's room without protest. Shiro would end up paying him a visit, if it came to that. Moreover, he's not one to squander these opportunities.]
It's me, I'm here.
[He announces to his door on arrival, sounding purposely (forcefully?) indifferent.]
no subject
at least keith has agreed to come to his quarters, and shiro is sitting on the bed, hands folded in his lap, when keith announces his presence. ]
Come in.
[ maybe the bed is not the best place for this, but there isn't much else in his quarters than that, and shiro wanted, wants the privacy of it, of a door between them and everyone else. barring the alarms sounding, they shouldn't be disturbed. he untangles his fingers, patting the bed next to him in a silent request for keith to sit.
once he does, shiro will start, a little hesitantly but his tone firm: ] I wanted to apologise.
no subject
At least he isn't in denial, though. The theatrics would be nauseating.
He steps in, finally, only a moment after that invite. He quietly regards Shiro in place of a 'hey', moves closer when beckoned. Sits -- and there's a distinct gap between them. Not intentional.]
Apologize?
[What did you do now. He's immediately concerned, not at all thinking this has anything to do with his bloodline. Hopefully Shiro hadn't set up a weird blood pact with Zarkon or is otherwise playing host to some sort of martyr game. It isn't like him to panic over absolutely nothing -- and he's not, but his brows are sloping forward as he internally suspects several worst-possible-outcomes, all of which having to do with Shiro accommodating a bogus plot.
It isn't every day he's summoned to the paladin's bedroom to have a private meeting. Starting off with remorse paints a scary picture.]
no subject
Yeah. [ and he hears the growing apprehension in keith's tone, so he continues quickly, though the words don't necessarily come easily. still, shiro won't let himself shy down from this. he's been thinking about it almost since the reveal, so many puzzle pieces suddenly falling into place, explaining much of keith's behavior that he'd been wondering about. ]
I'm sorry you had to carry this alone for so long. You've been suspecting it, right?
[ it only makes sense, and shiro wishes keith could have confided him in. not so that he would have known, though the information would have been good to have, but for keith's sake primarily. ] I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't talk about it, I guess.
no subject
He was satisfied enough that no one thought to question him in fleeing with Allura under the suspicion that Zarkon might be tracking him based on one little skirmish.]
I guess, but I didn't feel like talking about it.
[Going it alone has been something of a usually-successful theme in his life -- up until the whole FORM VOLTRON thing. It's not a problem.]
It's not like that.
[On the other hand, maybe he inadvertently made Shiro feel shitty, all things considered? Working as a group, teamplaying. He's accommodating as neccessary, but not even Lance openly gripes about missing his family. Pidge, still adamant about her own, isn't half as vocal about it compared to their journey's start.
There are bigger things at stake here than wallowing in a past of uncertainty. Some things are best kept under wraps.]
I just...didn't feel like it.
[Doubly because he's PART ENEMY, yeah, but they've pushed past that. His rebuttal is a nightmare, anyway.]
no subject
I just hope that if you ever do feel like it, you know I'm here.
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Even if they'd encountered some Galran allies, and Shiro didn't outwardly hate a single one.]
Yeah, I know.
[With a halfhearted grin. Not forced nor feigned -- he just kind of feels like an asshole for making Shiro feel like an asshole. Or unapproachable. For keeping him out of the loop while, at the same time, doing everything in his power to invade Shiro's personal bubble (lbr). He extends a hand for further reassurance, settling it over the back of the elder paladin's.]
What we're doing now's a lot more important than wherever I came from. It took me a while to figure that out.
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after a moment's hesitation, he turns his hand underneath keith's, curling his fingers loosely around his. ]
Where you've come from matters to you. It doesn't have to stop mattering, you know.
no subject
And still, with him, it's all or nothing. It's easy for him to obsess over something he can't control; obsess over the idea, possible outcomes, maybe a solution. Just setting all of it aside and focusing on the present, he thought that'd be the best, most viable option. His past should open up, it slowly has through their journey. Putting it all aside for now, until it bears some relevancy again...
It made perfect sense.]
It's still important, it's just -- not right now.
[The lattermost of that said in a quieter tone, without any real conviction. His hand sits idle in Shiro's, thoroughly distracted.]
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When did you get so mature?
[ the question is the gentlest of jokes, of teases. ]
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Which is entirely asinine; if anyone, Shiro would be most fearful, if not somewhere around Allura's level of uncertain -- for all he's been through and nothing else. Keith hasn't felt any different since officially being inducted as a Galran hybrid. Occasionally, he still worries that he might change, might develop weird tendencies..but as long as he's attentive and actively concerned, that sort of thing can't just sneak up on him or anyone else.
There's a sigh in response to that comment; it'd be a compliment if he were five, probably. He's smiling ever-so-slightly, though, if not belatedly.]
I'm being serious. [Without trying to reel him in or put a second layer of awkwardness on the mood.] If it matters so much, I'll figure it out. There's plenty of time.
[For something he was prepared to die over, he's being pretty meh now. It took as much to get him here.]
no subject
So am I. [ keith has always been hot-headed, temperamental. this level of introspection and wisdom isn't something shiro's entirely used to seeing in him. still: it's a good change, something he doesn't mind seeing. part of him might wish that keith didn't have to deal with these things, but he also sees keith's potential, how good a leader he could be some day, how smart he is. ]
2wks after p5 hell and regular hell-
...Anyway, [He finds himself looking off to the side; he hadn't been maintaining eye contact very well in the first place.] it's not your fault.
[Just to reel it back in to the original point -- something that's also a nonfactor. He's firm in not really holding anyone accountable for their reaction to his Galran ties. Shiro least of all.
Talk about being biased.]